“…he cares for the humble but keeps his distance from the
proud.” Psalm 138:6 (NLT)
I read this verse today and it brought to mind an
uncomfortable memory. You see, there
have been times when I have gotten a little happy with myself, o.k. let’s call
it what it is and say it, “proud”. I’ve
noticed when that happens, my relationship with God is distant and forced. There are other times, however, when instead
of keeping his distance, He disciplines me in a way that I will never forget it
AND should keep me from making the same mistake twice. Should, being the key word here…
I debated much heatedly with God in regards to sharing that
uncomfortable memory with you today.
What is even more frustrating is that we were having this debate in the ladies
room. We do this all the time. Can we not have a decent conversation
someplace normal? Anyway, I digress…
This little incident happened at one of the Gospel sings at
Hamakua Place. You might have been
there. However, you would never have
known that God used that night to teach me a very valuable lesson about
pride. And if God shows his love to us
through correction, then I learned very clearly that I was EXTREMELY loved!
I had prepared long and hard for my one song that I was
going to sing. I had labored on it so I
would be as comfortable as I could be on the stage and just be able to
worship. When I got there, one of the
organizers, I’ll call him “Joe”, found out I was only doing one song and asked
if I could do a couple more. I quickly ran
home to get more music while the first band played their set. They played for at least a half an hour. Most of the time was spent stopping to
re-tune, re-start the song, or talk amongst themselves as to what song they
wanted to play next, while we all watched and waited. When they did play, they did O.K., but just
didn’t seem very prepared. Another band
played after them and it was basically the same scenario and about a half hour
long. Then, it was my turn; my moment to
show them how it was done. My first song
went off without a hitch and I got a great response. I did my second at the piano and got an even bigger positive response. I was pumped and couldn’t wait to get back on
that stage! I started to go up to do my last song, and “Joe” came up to me and
told me that there wasn’t enough time for me to do another song and proceeded
to go on stage with his band. They played for forty-five minutes. Yep, forty-five minutes! I was furious. I left as soon as it was over and ranted and
raved to my family how unfair it was.
How better prepared I was. How
the other groups were out of tune and stumbled over their chords. I mentioned they weren’t very
professional. That they probably had
never even practiced together before that night. I couldn’t understand how
“Joe” could pull ME from the show after getting a better response than any of
the other groups. Yep, I was mad and I
was proud. It was bad; VERY bad. Thankfully, my husband lovingly told me to
reflect on what I was saying and really listen to myself. Then I was ashamed; VERY ashamed. Mortified is really the better word. I
realized after looking back on the evening, that the whole time I was listening
to the other bands, I was sitting there critiquing and comparing myself to the
others and obviously giving myself a better score. God saw my heart and motivations before I did
and it was HIM that pulled me from the show.
Not “Joe”.
I was extremely (and still am) ashamed of myself and my
actions, but I’m so thankful that my Father loved me so much that he wanted to
correct me, keep our relationship strong, and help me to be the best I can be. I have learned how important it is to examine
my heart and motivations especially in regards to those things I love and feel
confident in. I know that God doesn’t
need me to help Him in His work. But He
knows it brings me absolute joy and pleasure and every time I try to give
myself credit, I lose. Never again do I want God to have to pull me from the
action and miss out on what he plans to do.
I share this with you because I want you to know that God
loves you so much that he wants you to be the best you can be and he’ll do whatever it takes to make
that happen. Sometimes that might mean
letting us stew in our own thoughts and not give us the answers we want when we
want them, or it might mean literally pulling us off whatever stage we’re on
until our heart is right and our minds off of ourselves.
Dear Lord, thank you for loving us so much. We pray that you would examine our heart and motivations
and let us know if there is anything that needs to be re-adjusted and brought
back into line with your heart. We thank you for gifting us to serve
alongside you and may you always get
the credit. We desire to be our best for
you and are so grateful that you are faithfully helping us along. In Your Name, Amen.
I hope you never have to go through what I did, but if you
do, please remember it’s because you are loved beyond measure by an amazing
Father.
Humbled by His love,
Lisa
